Honest Trailers and a Vampire
by SomeCrazyDude1113
Summary: The following story is rated H for Honest: for Brutal Honesty, Mature Humor and Strong satirical content


**Honest Trailers: Rosario+Vampire**

 **EPIC MOVIE VOICE:** From the anime studio (Gonzo) who shares its anniversary with one of the world's greatest tragedies. (9/11) And had to merge with its parent company in order to survive. Along with a gritty and intriguing manga, comes a loosely adapted anime that's more about fan service than story.

 **Rosario+Vampire!**

(Is it 'plus vampire', or 'and vampire?')

When normal sixteen year old Tsukune Aono can't get into a normal high school, he'll get on a bus and travel through a tunnel that looks more like Mario Kart's most hated racing levels to Youkai academy. A school filled with one dimensional perverts and girls who are nothing more than an over sexualized combination of breasts and thighs and are never conscious about the length of their skirts and teachers who can physically and sexually assault their students and still keep their jobs.

When Tsukune discovers its a monsters only school he'll have to rely on his new friends to protect him every moment of his life.

First there's Moka. A vampire girl who can walk in sunlight and has a crucifix around her neck which only Tsukune can remove for some reason. And if removed unlocks another Moka whose actually the real Moka because good Moka is actually a phantom modeled after her mother that her father created to seal away her vampire powers.

Then spice things up with Kurumu, a blue haired succubus who suffocates men with her _bewbs_ and calls other girls skanks despite being the sluttiest character in the whole series.

Then cool things off with Mizore, a creepy stalker girl/snow woman with an obsession with lolly pops and hiding places and who talks as if she's constantly doped up on cough syrup.

But if you're not into woman who are matured out then find the right size for you with Yukari. A pre adolescent witch whose voice sounds like nails to a chalk board and you can't determine her sexual preference when you first meet her and is obsessed with Tsukune and honestly thinks he'll fall for her despite the age gape between them.

Experience Tsukune's harem like never before as they fight other monsters, fight each other, run a newspaper club and do everything else other than actual school work.

When Tsukune is believed go be a human, the security committee, who basically resembles the third reich, tie him down and torture his friends until he admits it in which they send him before a tribunal to be burned at the stake in front of the whole school. (Wait aren't all these kids high schoolers? It's really f*cked up when you think about it.)

Instead of watching the major conflicts you'd want to see in the manga, like Fairy tale and Alucard, get a half assed attempt to be light hearted with bewb jokes, bloody noses, dry humping, and panties. Don't worry it's not pedophilia because they're all under eighteen.

Applaud by banging your head into the wall with campy dialogue, cheesy romance scenes which only involves Tsukune and Moka saying each others names repeatedly and being constantly harassed by three other girls who can't take a hint that he's into someone else. And watching the same formula of Tsukune getting his ass beat only to have his ass saved only to wind up taking the Rosary off fake Moka to get real Moka to kick ass be used over and over and over and over again.

Watch this formula get used on, Kurumu, an ogre, some long nosed guy with a mask, Mizore clones, a pervert werewolf, a prostitute teacher, fox demon, some curri throwing indian woman, a fourth wall breaking bat that keeps track of how long the god awful fight scenes are who can also turn into a human and seduce others at will?

And Kokoa, a red headed nightmare who should really belong in a woman's correctional facility, who is real Moka's sister and only wants real Moka back so she can get her ass kicked while touching her inappropriately. You know typical sister stuff.

There's also the awkward ongoing battle between two milfs fighting over who their son in law should be and act as though they'd rather pork him themselves.

Forget everything you know about monsters and get wrapped up in a series that does the same thing to vampires that Stephanie Meyers did in a story so non existent that they take only five episodes to explain it.

Get ready for the ultimate adventure which has one of the most butt hurt fandoms who can't take a joke and will leave you asking questions like: If humans can't get into Youkai then how does Tsukune and his cousin get in just fine? If water is a vampire's weakness then how can Moka go on a ski trip when snow is made out of water? How can anyone think that Youkai is safer than the human world for children? Exactly what are the full extent of the bat's powers? How does the security committee's authority supersede the head master's? What was the point of watching this? And WHY AM I BEING FORCED TO STARE AT THE PANTIES OF A TWELVE YEAR OLD GIRL!? WAIT SHE'S NAKED TOO? OH GOD STOP, PLEASE STOP! THIS IS SO WRONG!"

Starring:

Blue haired Dolly Parton (Kurumu)

Hermoine Granger rip off (Yukari)

Any Ginger (Kokoa)

Dr. Jekyll, Mrs. Hyde (Moka)

Hello I'm a sex offender (Ginei)

Mrs. Kitten meow, meow (Mrs. Nekonome)

Ice, Ice Baby (Mizore)

Ruby Amidala (Ruby Tojo)

and every Ecchi harem boy (Tsukune)

 **Asian Twilight**

Moka's narrator : ** _'_** _When the rosary over her breast is removed, moka sheds her innocent self and her inner vampire awakens.'_

 **Epic Movie Voice:** My voice sounds better.


End file.
